Bucket lists and expectations

by Hilla Duka

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Once, the idea of getting old scared me. Then I reconciled myself with it - thinking it happens to everyone. Getting old is something we've come to expect, we think of living until we're ninety, or at the very least eighty, as a right, as default. The thing is, it's not. Getting old means having hit the jackpot. It's my ultimate hope and goal that I get to grow old, with my loved ones around me. Soon I'm turning 35, and truth be told, I can't know for sure or even expect to turn 40. If I do, I will most likely be the happiest, least neurotic forty year old ever! For now, I'll be happy and grateful for turning 35. For this day, and for, hopefully, tomorrow. 

 

When I turned 25 I was at such peace with my age. I was exactly where I wanted to be, everything on my bucket list neatly checked. When I was about to turn 30, I started thinking about what was on my bucket list at that point, what I wanted to have done and experienced by the time I actually turned 30. It wasn't very much or very thrilling, I wanted a change of career, to drive a forklift truck, a trip to the sun with the kids, to visit my grandmother with all three kids... Might not sound like much, but they were on my bucket list. I did some, but not all, and went quite happily into my thirties. Now I'm about to turn 35, and I don't have a bucket list anymore. I don't wish for money, a better career (I love the one I have, and hope to be able to return to it soon!), I don't need a big house or to travel to remote parts of the world. What I really wish for, is time. Time, and everyday life. Small things like making the kids breakfast, seeing them experience new things, learning, having fun... Saying good night and knowing I'll see them in the morning. Those are the things I wish for most of all, and yet they are the things that we all take for granted. The best bits of everyday life turn into little gems of memories, like beads on a strand, and I gingerly collect them; greedily asking for more.

 

My sweet friends Cattis and Cissi from work, and Cissi's husband Hasse, gave us one of those precious experiences when they offered to take all of us out on their boat. The kids were absolutely thrilled with the idea of going on a boat, visiting a small uninhabited island, roasting marshmallows and going off exploring. It was just magical and beautiful, and seing the kids so happy and excited did wonders for me. More treasured beads for me to collect - the look on my sons faces when they were allowed to try to steer the boat, jumping into the cool water, or simply sitting at the front of the boat as it cut through the water. We climbed into bed way later than their normal bed time, exhausted and sleepy and utterly content.  I'm so, so grateful!

 


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Cissi 2014-07-25

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